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Depression at midlife is very common; reacting is our choice
The word "depression" always needs to be clarified. Just as there are various kinds of cancers, there are various types of depressions.
Some depressions are biologically caused by the imbalance of certain chemicals or hormones.
Other depressions are reactive, occurring as a reaction to the death of a friend, illness, an empty nest, fear of death and aging, etc. The reactive depressions are those of which I write.
To depress something means to push it down, not allow it up and out and into life.
Some midlife reactive depressions come from a difficulty in giving up the roles, expectations and defenses we've carried all our lives. We've lived a life expected of us and assigned to us by others.
Perhaps that life has even been successful in the eyes of others. But if we are not living in accord with the call of our souls, pockets of depression are apt to arise especially in mid to later life. Our true self, as it is called, wants to be expressed and lived. There is an underlying yearning to be the kind of person God has created us to be.
When our depression becomes more severe it feels like a deep well which has no bottom. The truth is that depression is a well with a bottom.
"And if we have left some vital part of ourselves behind, metaphorically speaking," says Dr. James Hollis, "it is essential to go back and down to find it, bring it to the surface, integrate it, live it." We must ask ourselves the question, "What is my depression trying to tell me?"
To lift such a depression we have to risk doing what we fear the most -- going down to the bottom of the well to find out what is affecting our inner growth. This puts us in a dilemma of choosing between anxiety or depression: "Do I wish to search deep within myself for the cause of my depression (which causes anxiety), or do I choose to keep experiencing my depression?"
The healthy thing to do is accept the fearful anxiety that comes when I look deeply to discover its cause. To avoid this anxiety and accept the depression leaves us stagnated and feeling defeated by life.
Married persons may have an additional factor that breeds depression at midlife and later. Some may feel as spouses that the love between them is either gone or lying in embers.
Unresolved resentments and collected anger have led to situation where they ask themselves, "Do I blow on the embers and try to stir them into flame again, or not? That could be risky, unsettling, and do I really want to do that? The status quo has a certain comfort, and maybe my depression will go away or I can take something for it."
We don't realize it yet, but the day could come when we look upon our earlier state of reactive depression as a gift to us from our psyche (soul). For throughout our lives the presence of certain physical and emotional symptoms are often evidences of subtle corrective nudges that God has our complex nature offer us. We're certainly free to ignore them, or listen closely, learn and choose.